Slughurlers Galore: A New Choice!!!

This is the Sig Sauer P250. I think my prayers have been answered. The whole trouble with deciding on such a thing is finding the right grip and deciding on what caliber is best for your needs. I need be indecisive no more. This baby has a modular construction. So according to the site, you can change the grips by swapping the polymer frame. Of course this is just the minor added benefit. Since you usually get the grip that fits best on initial purchase. But more important is that you can change the caliber on this baby by swapping out the barrel and clip. I don't think ya heard me. You can have this baby in 9mm, .357SIG, .40S&W and .45ACP without having to buy four guns! This is something indeed...

From The Files Of The Strange

Y'all know I can come up with some really wacky shyt from my travels on the 'net. This right here is one of the strangest... Yet funnest...

Important Warning!

Please click to read notice!

Boob Chart 1

Which of these racks are most like yours?
(there is another list further down if you aren't in this one...)

Trim On Da Trim

How do you get yours trimmed?

Boob Chart 2

What kind of boobs do you have?

Bungee Jumpers Beware!

This is why nude bungee jumping is hazardous!

Mmmm.... Piiieeee....

Yep. Pie! And these two beauties are the first pies that TSSE baked from scratch! As y'all can tell, I done watched one too many Food Network shows judging by the pie on the right!

The top shots are pre-baking shots. The bottom are all cooked.

Andy Rooney Says...

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game , s he doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pan ts making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Wedding Cake?

Please people! If you are gonna put them on a tier and on the table, at least frost them sumbitches! Or at least bake them in an oven that is on a level floor! And not too long in the heat please. And whose Red Kool-Aid is that? And if you think this shyt is crazy, you should see the wedding they came from! I don't wanna put nobody on blast but, they might get posted too...

Slughurlers Galore: Tha Addendum!!!

This is the Springfield Armory XD Compact 9mm. Fits real nice in my paws. Hides real nice. Really pleasing character. One sweet shooting gun this is!

Snow Fun!

As hot as it is right now, this seems like a very cool way to pass the time!

Tagged, yet again!

The rules are to elaborate on the word(s) I've put in bold lettering below.

Accent – What accent? Are you kidding me? I speak a perfect midwestern twang. Mostly correct and slightly southern... I do however have a weakness for women with heavy southern and carribean drawls.

I Don't Drink – Vegetable juice! It ain't juice if there is more salt than sugar! Okay, maybe it is but it ain't good juice!

Chore I Hate – Is this a joke? Who created this thing? Some kinda maidaholic or something? Won't even dignify this one! Like there could ever be a favorite...

Pets – Got one! A big old Pit Bull. Who for some reason insisted on laying beneath my chair for his nap at the moment... And I love fish too! Especially goldfish and Bettas. (they can live to gether and both are hard to kill...)

Essential Electronic – Say it with me... C O M P U T E R!!! It probably is yours too unless you are reading this from a phone.

Perfume/Cologne – Drakkar Noir - Gotta get some of that. Giorgio Red - This stuff is so good I like smelling myself in it! American Classic - Nice and clean. And discontinued. Anything that my wife wears that don't burn my nose hair. Or when she don't wear anything...

Gold or silver – Uh...

Insomnia – Sometimes. Usually depends on what is going on and how strong it is on my mind.

Job Title – Wish I had one at this point. Actually the current one is Home Health Care Provider. The one that I would like to wear again is Programmer/Analyst.

Most Admired Trait – According to the wife it is "The Eyes and the Thighs" Oh yeah, and that good sense of humor. And alleged computer genius...

Kids – Yep.

Religion – Some.

Siblings – Yes. 1.2.2

Time I wake up – Whenever. Whenever somebody else wakes me. Whenever the dog barks too much. Whenever the bladder is full. Whenever I get tired of sleeping... You know, whenever.

Unusual talent/skill – At this time I will invoke my fifth amendment rights...

Vegetable I refuse to eat – Okra. There are likely others but I haven't had those so I can't pick them out.

Worst habit – Lying about what my worst habit is...

X-rays – Glasses? Fa real? I gotta get some of those. I guess that would put Girls Gone Wild outta business since no one would need to buy the videos. Could be a good thing though. You could get a preview of how busted someone is before you waste resources getting them naked...

My favorite meal – One I don't miss. Ideally though, the menu goes a little something like this.
A little bit of:
Ribeye steak (grilled)
Country Rib (grilled)
Salmon Steak (grilled)
Chicken (grilled)
Macaroni and Cheese (Mom's)
Potato Salad (Wife's)
Red Beans and Rice (Zatarain's)
A summer Fruit Bowl (Mine)
and a Diet beverage...

Oh yeah, and a microwave for the reloads!


Tag! You're it: Yazmar, J, Deepnthought, Mz Coko, and Terry

The Real Problem?

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6AM. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA) After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet(MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE! France !!) and turned on his TV(MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.. AMERICA ...

Moving to Arizona...

May 30th: Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. However, getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. I'm gonna kill the next guy that says; but it's a dry heat! Yeah, so's a freakin' oven!

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature all the way down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, Hot enough for you today? My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freakin' Arizona. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

The Wedding!

There was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.

He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's family & to especially thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He stressed that this was his gift to everyone, & asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8 x 10 glossy of his bride having sex with his best friend, the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier & had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to his best man & said, "Fuck you!" Then he turned to his bride & said, "Fuck you!"

Then he turned back to the dumbfounded crowd & said, "I'm outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing the following morning.

While most people would have canceled the Wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride' s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300+ guest wedding & reception, & best of all, trashing the bride's & his best man's reputations in front of 300+ friends & family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a Master Card "PRICELESS" commercial out of this?


Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members & friends: $32,000...
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000...
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500...
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping his best man: Priceless...
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD!

The Stranger

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Illinois town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey.
But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry.
The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example,was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.
My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our
family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name?...............See below:


We just call him, "TV."

P. S. He has a wife now....We call her "Computer."

Might Be Just Me, But...

This looks like it is some DAMN good candy!!!!

Sand & Stone

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: Today my best friend slapped me in the face.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis where they decided to take a bath . The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning he wrote on a stone: Today my best friend saved my life.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Do not value the things you have in your life, but value who you have in your life!

Pay Raise Request

Subject: Pay Raise Request


I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely, P. Niss


The Response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons :
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, V. Gina

Don't Eat Chicken Sandwiches, No Matter What.....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.

He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!!!

Be Careful When Farting In A Jacuzzi

Terry Tate - Vacation

I felt like that a couple times myself down in ATL.

Found On The Road In Kentucky

The laughter woke me up when I saw this one.

Ya Gotta Love Michigan!

Where else but in freakin' Metro Detroit will you find a sign like this!?!?!?

The Johnny Pot

Get a rack for your Jimmy Hats!!!!
See It Here!

Grope On A Rope

For those of you who need an "extra hand" in the shower... you know who you are...

See it here!

Shower Breasts!

Yes, that's right! You can get your very own breasts to have and to hold when showering!!! I think these boys take shower spanking to a whole new level!

I was gonna steal the original ad but I think you will find it more entertaining on it's original site. That and I didn't want you to think I made any of that shyt up!
http://www.thesharpedge.co.uk/Shower-Breasts-p-16143.html

Kid With A Death Wish!

I think this one explains itself. Future X-Gamer?

No More Chalk For You Misters!!!!

I don't know about you all. But this shit is funny as hell!!!!

An Old Man's Story

An older man tells the story:

When I went to the social security office to apply for Social Security, the woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry but I seemed to have left my wallet at home!" I will have to go home and come back later."

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the social security office.

She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

Choo Choo!!!

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying,
"All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son,
"We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say...

"All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She heard her little darling continue...
"For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added,
"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.."

The Triplets

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily, the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

The minister fainted.

Now, that is funny.....I don't care who you are!

Terry Tate: Office Linebacker

This here shyt is funny as hell!

You Know You Are Living In 2007 When...

1. You accidentally tried to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly who else this post applies to.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. And so am I!

7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied , "Then you ask him".



2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."



3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked , "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."



4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"




5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."



6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."



7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

The Picture on the Nightstand

After a long night of love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

No, no, no!!!" she answers.

Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

Why Condoms Come In Boxes

A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of -factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.....Men use them to have safe sex.

"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The Dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."

"Cool, says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men." the Dad answers, "Two for Friday, Two for Saturday and Two for Sunday.

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up the 12 pack.

With a sigh, the Dad replied, "Those are for married men, One for January, one for February, one for March...

Daddy's Little Girl

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. 'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked. 'They're mating,' her father replied. 'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked. 'That's a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.'So, the other one is a Mommy Long legs?' the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.' The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying 'Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain shit in our garden.'

Useful Devices...

For those ladies who need a little "extra" help finding that hook-up!

Da Shake!

Now see this is what the hell is wrong with our youth!

Chunky!!!!

I know I am wrong for this, but what the hell!

Another Tag!!!

I have accepted the tag from Lola Gets! @ Whatever Lola Wants

The tag goes as follows.

You're supposed to go to www.wikipedia.com and type in your birthday (month and day only) and then:

1) List 3 events that occurred on that day
2) List 3 important birthdays
3) List one notable death
4) List a holiday or observance (if any)
5) Tag five of your friends.

So... Here goes.

1) List 3 events that occurred on that day:
1876 - Alexander Graham Bell makes the first successful telephone call by saying "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you."
1964 - The Ford Mustang is first produced by the Ford Motor Company. (Is it any wonder that it is my favorite car?)
1977 - Rings of Uranus: Astronomers discover rings around Uranus. (How embarrassing. I thought I washed it...)

2) List 3 important birthdays:
Mine! Of course!
1977 - Robin Thicke, American singer
1971 - Timbaland, American rapper
1964 - Jasmine Guy, American actress (just in case you don't accept mine. Can't begin to imagine why you wouldn't)

2.1) Two birthdays that shame my day:
1957 - Osama bin Laden, Saudi-born Islamic extremist
1928 - James Earl Ray, American assassin (d. 1998)

3) List one notable death
1913 - Harriet Tubman, American abolitionist (b. 1820)

4) List a holiday or observance (if any)
Doctors Day - (Venezuela)
Tibetan Uprising Day
- I guess you gotta take what you can get...

5) I tag...YOU! If you choose to accept this mission...This post will self destruct in five seconds...

The New (Old) Obsession - Tha Cruisers!

Harley Davidson FXDWG Dyna Wide Glide. 96 cubic inch V-Twin. A cruiser with a little chopper in it's soul.



Harley Davidson Softail Standard. 96 c.i. V-Twin. Basic, beautiful.



Harley Davidson VRSCAW V-rod. 1130cc (69 c.i.) V-Twin. The first liquid cooled Harley. These things were hot when you could only get it in stainless steel. Colors only make it better!



Harley Davidson VRSCD Night Rod. 1130cc (69 c.i.) V-Twin. A sportier version of Harley's cruiser crotch rocket!



Harley Davidson XL 833L Sportster 883 Low. 883cc (53.86 c.i.) V-Twin. Low ridin' version of Harley's "starter" bike.


Kawasaki Vulcan 500 Ltd. 498 cc parellel twin. Light weight, value priced. A good starter bike.


Suzuki Boulevard M109R. 1783cc V-Twin. Man! This is one hot lookin' bike! Looks like it is chewing on asphalt in the picture don't it?


Yamaha Warrior. 102 cubic-inch (1670cc) V-Twin. The tagline said, "The cruiser heart with a checkered-flag soul". I ain't inclined to disagree.


Victory Vegas Jackpot. 100 c.i. V-Twin. Fat rear tire, custom looks. Looks rarin' to go!